After 17 years of dial tones and
empty inboxes, Walter Rand finally decided to step into my life.
It was the thoughts of a fatherless daughter that caused me to refuse
the offer.
When I came to the United States I was only four years old. My intermediate family consisted of my mother, brother, and father. These early years are faint to me, but I do remember doing everything together as a family, such as going to theme parks or the beach. In the eyes of a child, my family was perfect.
However, my parent's relationship was unstable. Later on in life I found out how emotionally and physically abusive it was and it may seem a little one-sided, but it was mainly because of my father. He wanted this "perfect" family to be an exact replica of his imagination: the beautiful and skinny mother-like wife, the athletic handsome son, and the innocent pure daughter. Contrarily, my mother was very independent, my brother was a home-bodied gamer, and I was the tom-boy risk taker.
It was a year later when I noticed the packed bags by the door, the empty shelves, and the damp tissues, that my father, Walter Rand, was leaving. After long days of playing in mud puddles with the neighborhood boys my dad would always tell me "I need my little princess Kayla back, if she wants to keep her Da-Da." Of course I would ignore the true meaning of this, but the day he left, I finally understood what I was told.
The following months I threw out all my tennis shoes and action figures and began asking for dolls and makeup. I started playing with girls in my class and even wearing dresses with bows. Da-Da's little princess was back, but where was he?
To me, the worst feeling in the world isn't not knowing who your father is, but to know who he is, and that he knows you exist, but chooses not to be in your life. Having a child is a blessing, and I guess in Walter's eyes I was in disguise.
May 12, 2010, I get a phone call. It was him, Walter. Nearly 12 years without speaking to him, I could barley recognize his voice.
"I'm having twin girls, and I wanted to know if you would come see them. You know, to be a family, and I can finally be the dad I always wanted to be." Excuse my language...but WHAT THE HELL? After all those years of not seeing him and anger building up, there were no words to express my emotions. The only thing I could do, was hang up.
Now, 15 years after my family being broken up, I am a Jr. at Ga State University, in Atlanta, Ga. All of my accomplishments were made without the help of Walter Rand, and it was the thoughts of a fatherless daughter that made me the
